I'm a nurse, as you might remember from my previous post. Technically I've been a professional student my whole life, changing majors and wasting money. Hey, I'm not proud of the fact that it took me as long as it did to accomplish something that most people do by their early twenties.
I did get a degree several years ago in manufacturing engineering, and I worked in the aerospace field, which I loved. I love jets, and I love jet engines even more. When I was a little girl, we drove to Tennessee frequently - sometimes just for the weekend. We would drive past GE Aircraft Engines in Evondale, and I would just stare out the window and think to myself, "I want to work there when I grow up." I'm not sure why. My dad was a machinist at GM, and I loved the way he smelled when he came home from work. He died when I was ten, but I still remember the way he smelled like metal and cutting oil. So I entered this program to become a machinist, and took it just a bit further. There were 2 women in the entire class (about 75) and I was one of them. I loved it. I guess I felt like I was carrying the torch.
I've always been more comfortable working with men. Actually, I've always enjoyed mens company more than womens. Women are catty and gossipy. Don't get me wrong....I'm very much a woman and have a strong feminine side. Maybe I just like the attention from men. I was more of a daddy's girl than a mama's girl, and I really hated my dad for leaving me with my mom.
So I started working as a machinist, and quickly was pulled into Quality Control. This was cool because there were not many women in QC in the aerospace field. We made engine components for GEAE, and I was so proud - I actually inspected parts that would fly. I was layed off after about a year and a half because business had slowed down. I was totally bummed, and I realized then that I had entered a field with not much financial security.
I quickly got another job, again in QC, for another GEAE supplier. This time, they sent me to school to become a Quality Rep for GE - my parts bypassed any receiving inspection at GE and went directly to the assembly line. I was an unpaid employee of GEAE, and my dream was slowly coming true. Again, I worked for almost a year and a half until I was laid off due to lack of work.
Michael, the ex, suggested I go to nursing school so I wouldn't have to worry about getting laid off any more. I expressed concern that money would be tight, and we just couldn't survive on his paycheck alone. He said "think about the future," so I did. Unfortunately, during this time of transition for me, he met the sociopath, and things went south.
Luckily I was able to draw unemployment for the entire duration of my nursing school. Most unemployment benefits run out after a few months, but Bush initiated an act to extend benefits for those in the aerospace field affected by 9-11. In October 2003 I passed my NCLEX, and began working as a nurse.
Nurses "eat their own young." They warned us in nursing school, and I thought, "wow, it can't be that bad." It's true. To this day, I still can't understand why it has to be this way. I abhor gossip. Nurses are the biggest group of backbiters / backstabbers I have ever seen. Correction, female nurses. Maybe I'm just not seasoned to working with women, but it's something that I wish would change.
I spent the first six months of my new career at a Quaker run nursing home. I assumed it would be based on Christian principles, everyone working there doing it because they loved their job, and they loved God. I was wrong. I spent the last couple months trying not to kill my coworkers. When I worked with them, they were cool. As soon as I left, the talk started.
I left the Quakers and went to work for the Sheriff Department, as a jail nurse. Wow, this was great. I loved it, and the inmates liked me because I treated them like human beings, where the other nurses treated them like crap. It's innocent until proven guilty, right? Apparently not. Greg didn't like the fact that I worked with criminals, and that I was so trusting - he worried about me a lot. I liked my job, but there were issues there that I was concerned with. Narcotic issues. Actually, there was no narcotic accountability. It worried me, so reluctantly I quit and went to a nursing home 10 minutes from my house that I will refer to as "The Hole."
I have been at "The Hole" for 9 months now. It's not something I'm proud of, because it's not the nicest facility. It was at one time, but right now is not it. I guess most long term care facilities go through times of upheaval, and this is just a bad time for "The Hole." Sometimes I am actually ashamed to say I work there, but I stay there because the folks I work with are great. Plus I care about my residents and I know that when I work, they get really great care. Maybe I will get into my job on my next blog. It will definitely be entertaining, and it will be nice to get things about that place off my chest.
Wow, I'm tired. Just like that, I'm tired. "The Hole" will be a wonderful blog - so much goes on there, so much to talk and rant about. Maybe I will take the trusty laptop to work and blog when I have free time. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Why is everyone so afraid?
I really haven't told anyone about this site. My kids know, and they are glad that I have stepped into the 21st century. I'm not technologically retarded or anything - this is just something new for me. I'm excited about it, and I'm looking forward to posting and just writing about stuff on my mind. I've been needing to write since I gave up journalism as a major. Besides some poetry I've composed for my boyfriend Greg, my brain has turned the creative juices off. So as you can guess, I'm busting at the seams with all sorts of stories, comments, narratives, etc. This will be an outlet for me, and might even be therapeutic. Trust me, it will be fun.
My mother would not approve. She doesn't approve of anything, simply because she is afraid. Of everything. You name it, she's afraid...crime, purse grabbings, car jacking, the internet and identity theft. But that is another blog all together, and I'm sure we'll get to it another day - she is a constant source of aggitation for me, but hey, she's my mom, you know??
So I tell Greg that I have created a blog, for lack of a better word. Even though the man teaches physics and is very smart, sometimes it seems like he lives in his own little bubble. Well, actually I guess he does. He has been divorced for almost 3 years, lives alone with his dog, watches what he wants on TV, listens to what he wants on the radio, eats what he wants, etc. He had never heard of a blog. I explained to him that this is my space to vent, to talk when sometimes talking isn't the best thing to do. He's totally confused. I should have expected this. I quickly changed the subject.
We talked about his going to Edwards Air Force Base with a student next week to watch explosions (physics, remember?) Of course I'll miss him...we've dated for almost 13 months. He's an odd bird, that's for sure, but I don't know what I'd do without him. Then he asks me why I wouldn't be able to talk to him if I had a problem. I tried to explain that sometimes I just need to think and write and think some more, and sometimes it just didn't pertain to him. It seemed like he was afraid that I would have more in common with this blog than him...that Infinitum Nihil would actually talk back and be a better boyfriend. I'm probably wrong. He just doesn't understand that my mind is never idle.
My mind is constantly clicking, counting, planning. I work nights as a nurse - I work 3 - 12 hour shifts a week - and I have a lot of free time. I've been bored with myself for a long time. I need an outlet. I need to write. Even if it is nonsense, or a question I have about the Theory of Relativity, or a comment about how everyone at work gripes and moans (again, another blog,) or just a random thought, I plan to share it. With myself, or whoever reads this. I'm not afraid to talk.
So, where do I start??
Okay, the beginning...my name is Teresa, and I'm going to turn 40 this year. I'm not looking forward to it, but hey, what can I do? I am a divorced mom of two swell kids - Ashley just turned 18 (yet another blog), and Evan is 10. I've been divorced for almost 2 years. It hasn't been an easy road, but I've made it and I honestly wouldn't change anything that has happened along the course of it.
My ex-husband is Michael, and we are actually better friends now than we were during our marriage. Of course, it wasn't like this in the beginning - we hated each other, and said mean things. He made bad choices, and is paying for it now. The woman he left me for was / is a bipolar, sociopath. They were married less than a year, and didn't live together the majority of the time. She was so unstable, the court ordered that the kids couldn't be around her - at the time he agreed to it, because they were fighting. Believe me when I tell you that I'm not normally a mean person. Just someone that looks out for others. Yes, even him, and I begged him to find a "nice" woman. When he had finally had enough of her, they parted ways, and she is currently on the prowl in North Carolina (my family was the sixth family she destroyed - men, watch out for a short nurse with the name of Ginger...)
Like I said earlier, I wouldn't change anything. I've become stronger, and I see all the things I did wrong in our marriage. I will never think the same way again. And we are finally friends. We were friends in the beginning of our lives together and somehow drifted apart, me taking advantage of the fact that he would always be there, and him taking advantage of the fact that he had a wife that did everything for him. Our relationship fizzled, but we were faithful to each other. That had to mean something right??
So anyway, I have a good relationship with my ex, a healthy relationship with Greg, a 2 kids that I love and a job that I am totally into. I really don't have a lot of close friends. Maybe 3 or 4. I'm friends with many, but I don't get close with just anyone because close friends require maintenance. That's sound crude, but you will understand as you get to know me.
My best friend for the last 3 years has been Ron (not just another blog, but a really big blog.) He was my neighbor, and we got close when Michael left - no, not like that. We are like siamese twins separated at birth and adopted to different families. He and I think the same way, laugh at the same things, have similiar plans with our life. Why am I not with him? Well, he is 6 years younger than me, and he isn't ready to be a father, plus I could never give him his own children. We've had this conversation in case you are wondering. It's very complicated, which is why I said his blog would be a BIG ONE.
I will attempt to throw in what diet I'm on (Atkins or South Beach), what medicine I am taking for weight loss (my doctor said she'd let me try Meridia or Xenocal, even though I'm not really medically qualified, based on my weight and body fat percentage), and what classes I'm taking for exercise. We have memberships at the YMCA, and I will be starting my diet(s) and exercise soon. I broke a bone in my right foot just after Christmas, and I have been a slave to a black air cast ever since. Today my podiatrist gave me the all clear to resume exercise, with the instructions to start back slowly. I told him "trust me, all I can do is slow at this point." I'd like to lose 40 pounds, but if I lose 30 I will be extremely happy. I've never been overweight, and I'm not fat - I'm thick, and I don't want to be thick anymore. I was a size 7 until about 5 years ago, and it's weird because it's like my metabolism just shut down. If I lose 30 pounds I will be in a size 7 or 9 again, and I will at last be happy with myself.
I will end this entry now. The fire in my fireplace has died out, and without it I will quickly become bored with my surroundings. Maybe I will sleep. Tomorrow I will connect and start yammering again. This is fun. Even though I speak to no one, this is fun.
My mother would not approve. She doesn't approve of anything, simply because she is afraid. Of everything. You name it, she's afraid...crime, purse grabbings, car jacking, the internet and identity theft. But that is another blog all together, and I'm sure we'll get to it another day - she is a constant source of aggitation for me, but hey, she's my mom, you know??
So I tell Greg that I have created a blog, for lack of a better word. Even though the man teaches physics and is very smart, sometimes it seems like he lives in his own little bubble. Well, actually I guess he does. He has been divorced for almost 3 years, lives alone with his dog, watches what he wants on TV, listens to what he wants on the radio, eats what he wants, etc. He had never heard of a blog. I explained to him that this is my space to vent, to talk when sometimes talking isn't the best thing to do. He's totally confused. I should have expected this. I quickly changed the subject.
We talked about his going to Edwards Air Force Base with a student next week to watch explosions (physics, remember?) Of course I'll miss him...we've dated for almost 13 months. He's an odd bird, that's for sure, but I don't know what I'd do without him. Then he asks me why I wouldn't be able to talk to him if I had a problem. I tried to explain that sometimes I just need to think and write and think some more, and sometimes it just didn't pertain to him. It seemed like he was afraid that I would have more in common with this blog than him...that Infinitum Nihil would actually talk back and be a better boyfriend. I'm probably wrong. He just doesn't understand that my mind is never idle.
My mind is constantly clicking, counting, planning. I work nights as a nurse - I work 3 - 12 hour shifts a week - and I have a lot of free time. I've been bored with myself for a long time. I need an outlet. I need to write. Even if it is nonsense, or a question I have about the Theory of Relativity, or a comment about how everyone at work gripes and moans (again, another blog,) or just a random thought, I plan to share it. With myself, or whoever reads this. I'm not afraid to talk.
So, where do I start??
Okay, the beginning...my name is Teresa, and I'm going to turn 40 this year. I'm not looking forward to it, but hey, what can I do? I am a divorced mom of two swell kids - Ashley just turned 18 (yet another blog), and Evan is 10. I've been divorced for almost 2 years. It hasn't been an easy road, but I've made it and I honestly wouldn't change anything that has happened along the course of it.
My ex-husband is Michael, and we are actually better friends now than we were during our marriage. Of course, it wasn't like this in the beginning - we hated each other, and said mean things. He made bad choices, and is paying for it now. The woman he left me for was / is a bipolar, sociopath. They were married less than a year, and didn't live together the majority of the time. She was so unstable, the court ordered that the kids couldn't be around her - at the time he agreed to it, because they were fighting. Believe me when I tell you that I'm not normally a mean person. Just someone that looks out for others. Yes, even him, and I begged him to find a "nice" woman. When he had finally had enough of her, they parted ways, and she is currently on the prowl in North Carolina (my family was the sixth family she destroyed - men, watch out for a short nurse with the name of Ginger...)
Like I said earlier, I wouldn't change anything. I've become stronger, and I see all the things I did wrong in our marriage. I will never think the same way again. And we are finally friends. We were friends in the beginning of our lives together and somehow drifted apart, me taking advantage of the fact that he would always be there, and him taking advantage of the fact that he had a wife that did everything for him. Our relationship fizzled, but we were faithful to each other. That had to mean something right??
So anyway, I have a good relationship with my ex, a healthy relationship with Greg, a 2 kids that I love and a job that I am totally into. I really don't have a lot of close friends. Maybe 3 or 4. I'm friends with many, but I don't get close with just anyone because close friends require maintenance. That's sound crude, but you will understand as you get to know me.
My best friend for the last 3 years has been Ron (not just another blog, but a really big blog.) He was my neighbor, and we got close when Michael left - no, not like that. We are like siamese twins separated at birth and adopted to different families. He and I think the same way, laugh at the same things, have similiar plans with our life. Why am I not with him? Well, he is 6 years younger than me, and he isn't ready to be a father, plus I could never give him his own children. We've had this conversation in case you are wondering. It's very complicated, which is why I said his blog would be a BIG ONE.
I will attempt to throw in what diet I'm on (Atkins or South Beach), what medicine I am taking for weight loss (my doctor said she'd let me try Meridia or Xenocal, even though I'm not really medically qualified, based on my weight and body fat percentage), and what classes I'm taking for exercise. We have memberships at the YMCA, and I will be starting my diet(s) and exercise soon. I broke a bone in my right foot just after Christmas, and I have been a slave to a black air cast ever since. Today my podiatrist gave me the all clear to resume exercise, with the instructions to start back slowly. I told him "trust me, all I can do is slow at this point." I'd like to lose 40 pounds, but if I lose 30 I will be extremely happy. I've never been overweight, and I'm not fat - I'm thick, and I don't want to be thick anymore. I was a size 7 until about 5 years ago, and it's weird because it's like my metabolism just shut down. If I lose 30 pounds I will be in a size 7 or 9 again, and I will at last be happy with myself.
I will end this entry now. The fire in my fireplace has died out, and without it I will quickly become bored with my surroundings. Maybe I will sleep. Tomorrow I will connect and start yammering again. This is fun. Even though I speak to no one, this is fun.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Well, I embark on a new activity to stimulate my gray matter, nurture any creative juices I have left, and keep track of my sarcasm, ranting and raving. I hope to post on a daily basis and clear my mind, while either entertaining anyone who may read it, or at the very least encouraging new thought processes. Subject matter will vary from day to day, ranging from the somewhat frustrating relationship I'm in, to the hellhole where I work as a nurse, to the weight I'm losing and the methods I'm employing to do so. Hope you enjoy, and I hope this is in some way therapeutic or healthy for me. I'm sure at the very least this will be fun...
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