I really haven't told anyone about this site. My kids know, and they are glad that I have stepped into the 21st century. I'm not technologically retarded or anything - this is just something new for me. I'm excited about it, and I'm looking forward to posting and just writing about stuff on my mind. I've been needing to write since I gave up journalism as a major. Besides some poetry I've composed for my boyfriend Greg, my brain has turned the creative juices off. So as you can guess, I'm busting at the seams with all sorts of stories, comments, narratives, etc. This will be an outlet for me, and might even be therapeutic. Trust me, it will be fun.
My mother would not approve. She doesn't approve of anything, simply because she is afraid. Of everything. You name it, she's afraid...crime, purse grabbings, car jacking, the internet and identity theft. But that is another blog all together, and I'm sure we'll get to it another day - she is a constant source of aggitation for me, but hey, she's my mom, you know??
So I tell Greg that I have created a blog, for lack of a better word. Even though the man teaches physics and is very smart, sometimes it seems like he lives in his own little bubble. Well, actually I guess he does. He has been divorced for almost 3 years, lives alone with his dog, watches what he wants on TV, listens to what he wants on the radio, eats what he wants, etc. He had never heard of a blog. I explained to him that this is my space to vent, to talk when sometimes talking isn't the best thing to do. He's totally confused. I should have expected this. I quickly changed the subject.
We talked about his going to Edwards Air Force Base with a student next week to watch explosions (physics, remember?) Of course I'll miss him...we've dated for almost 13 months. He's an odd bird, that's for sure, but I don't know what I'd do without him. Then he asks me why I wouldn't be able to talk to him if I had a problem. I tried to explain that sometimes I just need to think and write and think some more, and sometimes it just didn't pertain to him. It seemed like he was afraid that I would have more in common with this blog than him...that Infinitum Nihil would actually talk back and be a better boyfriend. I'm probably wrong. He just doesn't understand that my mind is never idle.
My mind is constantly clicking, counting, planning. I work nights as a nurse - I work 3 - 12 hour shifts a week - and I have a lot of free time. I've been bored with myself for a long time. I need an outlet. I need to write. Even if it is nonsense, or a question I have about the Theory of Relativity, or a comment about how everyone at work gripes and moans (again, another blog,) or just a random thought, I plan to share it. With myself, or whoever reads this. I'm not afraid to talk.
So, where do I start??
Okay, the beginning...my name is Teresa, and I'm going to turn 40 this year. I'm not looking forward to it, but hey, what can I do? I am a divorced mom of two swell kids - Ashley just turned 18 (yet another blog), and Evan is 10. I've been divorced for almost 2 years. It hasn't been an easy road, but I've made it and I honestly wouldn't change anything that has happened along the course of it.
My ex-husband is Michael, and we are actually better friends now than we were during our marriage. Of course, it wasn't like this in the beginning - we hated each other, and said mean things. He made bad choices, and is paying for it now. The woman he left me for was / is a bipolar, sociopath. They were married less than a year, and didn't live together the majority of the time. She was so unstable, the court ordered that the kids couldn't be around her - at the time he agreed to it, because they were fighting. Believe me when I tell you that I'm not normally a mean person. Just someone that looks out for others. Yes, even him, and I begged him to find a "nice" woman. When he had finally had enough of her, they parted ways, and she is currently on the prowl in North Carolina (my family was the sixth family she destroyed - men, watch out for a short nurse with the name of Ginger...)
Like I said earlier, I wouldn't change anything. I've become stronger, and I see all the things I did wrong in our marriage. I will never think the same way again. And we are finally friends. We were friends in the beginning of our lives together and somehow drifted apart, me taking advantage of the fact that he would always be there, and him taking advantage of the fact that he had a wife that did everything for him. Our relationship fizzled, but we were faithful to each other. That had to mean something right??
So anyway, I have a good relationship with my ex, a healthy relationship with Greg, a 2 kids that I love and a job that I am totally into. I really don't have a lot of close friends. Maybe 3 or 4. I'm friends with many, but I don't get close with just anyone because close friends require maintenance. That's sound crude, but you will understand as you get to know me.
My best friend for the last 3 years has been Ron (not just another blog, but a really big blog.) He was my neighbor, and we got close when Michael left - no, not like that. We are like siamese twins separated at birth and adopted to different families. He and I think the same way, laugh at the same things, have similiar plans with our life. Why am I not with him? Well, he is 6 years younger than me, and he isn't ready to be a father, plus I could never give him his own children. We've had this conversation in case you are wondering. It's very complicated, which is why I said his blog would be a BIG ONE.
I will attempt to throw in what diet I'm on (Atkins or South Beach), what medicine I am taking for weight loss (my doctor said she'd let me try Meridia or Xenocal, even though I'm not really medically qualified, based on my weight and body fat percentage), and what classes I'm taking for exercise. We have memberships at the YMCA, and I will be starting my diet(s) and exercise soon. I broke a bone in my right foot just after Christmas, and I have been a slave to a black air cast ever since. Today my podiatrist gave me the all clear to resume exercise, with the instructions to start back slowly. I told him "trust me, all I can do is slow at this point." I'd like to lose 40 pounds, but if I lose 30 I will be extremely happy. I've never been overweight, and I'm not fat - I'm thick, and I don't want to be thick anymore. I was a size 7 until about 5 years ago, and it's weird because it's like my metabolism just shut down. If I lose 30 pounds I will be in a size 7 or 9 again, and I will at last be happy with myself.
I will end this entry now. The fire in my fireplace has died out, and without it I will quickly become bored with my surroundings. Maybe I will sleep. Tomorrow I will connect and start yammering again. This is fun. Even though I speak to no one, this is fun.
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